From the Free SitStay Newsletter

My breeder recommended him (Cesar Milan's training tools and methods) and yes I have tried the stuff and yes it does work, but one thing I hate in a person is when they downgrade someone's else's work, that is one of my pet peeves. Your only saying this because you have your own way of training and you don't like another person's way of doing stuff. you shouldn't talk bad about another person just because you don't agree with their procurers, that is WRONG..... I now don't think I will continue to purchase stuff from your company, that is just very bad, what you say about him and his training. - Name withheld to protect the innocent

Sometimes people don't think before they speak...or send email. You see that all the time on discussion boards and we occasionally experience it at SitStay. You know, the person's quick reply that was hateful, angry, or otherwise off the wall? Email is an especially tough medium because it doesn't have its own voice, we give it one when we read it. We're often wrong about what the voice really sounds like and sometimes it sounds hateful. It's easy to respond with our own anger and a passionate and fiery email, hitting the send button quickly and so there! Sometimes there's no mistaking the voice of the email. See above.

Sometimes we don't want someone to point out that what we're doing might not be the best thing to do, we don't want to be wrong. An email like the one above is a result of this.

We'll call her Jane and not use her real name because I believe she is an innocent. She was encouraged to train her puppy with the methods and tools used on the Cesar Milan TV show. To be fair, after I replied to the above email to point out that I didn't say anything hurtful or hateful toward her or to the TV star, Jane wrote back with an apology. (The threat to not order from SitStay any more is an empty threat. Jane has never ordered anything from SitStay, I couldn't find an account for her under her real name or email address. I would have responded to her first emailed questions the same even if she had been a long standing customer asking questions of me. I love positive training and will shout it from the rooftops.)

So, at the risk of alienating a potentially new dog trainer and customer, here we go.

Words said in anger or hate can be used as a wonderful learning experience for all of us. I trust that Jane didn't give any thought to her comment; she was upset and fired off the email without really thinking it through. I won't use her real name because I don't want to embarrass her or to make her feel wronged. Sometimes I get myself into a load of trouble simply by opening my mouth. I don't mind that not everyone agrees with me or the other positive trainers. I believe it's best to say out loud how things can be better for the dogs instead of sitting quietly by so not to cause a stir and staying politically correct. Giving advice, facts, and opinions in a loving manner isn't always taken as a kind gesture as you can see from the statement above. I'm known far and wide as a reasonable, common sense driven, girl next door, wanting everyone to love everyone else and their dogs kind of a gal. Sometimes I give too much opinion and advice and even though it's been solicited from me, it's not always taken kindly. It's not easy to take a reply like the one above to my tries for helping. I'm sure happy it only happens once in a blue moon.

Jane emailed to ask if we would carry Cesar Milan's tools at SitStay. She explained that she needs the tools, she's been using the methods she sees on TV to train her puppy but she needs the tools so the training will work. Keep in mind that in her comment above she says she's been using the methods and they work but now she needs tools because the puppy is not responding to the training. Yes, I know that doesn't make sense. One of my most famous replies to people who call me for help but don't want to abandon the traditional method of jerk, pull, pinch, run you into the ground so you're so tired you can't do anything but agree to this training is, "How's that working out for you?" Most of those people say, "You know what, it isn't working, is it? I wouldn't have called for help if it was. I may not take all of your advice but I'm willing to listen." I love that willingness to listen to something other than what they've been doing because it shows that they want to bond and live happily with their dogs. If it wasn't true, they wouldn't bother to call anybody, just take the dog to the shelter or toss him outside to do what dogs do on their own until they can't stand that any more and then take him to the shelter.

Jane likes the TV show. She sees miracles worked every week. Bad dogs gone good again. Her breeder recommended the TV show training methods.

I replied to Jane that no, we won't carry those tools and support his training. And because she's working with a puppy, not an out of control aggressive dog, I expanded my reply.

My reply was courteous and nice even while gently trying to sway her toward positive training. I asked if she'd tried positive training yet. Maybe some clicker training, puppies love that. It's easy and fun for everyone, especially the dogs.

I told her that I get calls all the time from people who have used the training methods as they see them on TV and the dogs have started biting. Now what do they do? I watch the TV show so I can speak of it intelligently and yes, it can be very entertaining and yes, it certainly looks like a miracle has been worked. The editors and producers know exactly what they're doing, they're making money. That's what TV does, it sells advertising. And if it can hold the attention of the viewer, the advertisers will spend dollars there. It's really a well done TV show.

We love watching dogs and we love watching people train dogs. It's a perfect combination for a hit TV series. As I watch Cesar's show, I can see why a normal person working with a normal dog could create a biting dog. You don't get to see what happens behind the scenes, you don't know what really happens. It's a TV show, it's edited, it's not in real time. You miss some stuff.

You know the old adage, "I know just enough about this subject to make me dangerous"? There is danger in taking a bit of information that's been dramatized to get viewers and advertising and using it to create something of your own. Even Cesar and his show acknowledge the danger of this. You see it on every show, "Don't attempt these training methods without a professional" or words to that effect.

Jane says she'll continue with the TV dog training methods. She'll buy the tools from someone, maybe from him, and find out that maybe it doesn't work either. She has a puppy. I feel bad for the pup. Positive training is so easy and it's so much fun. It bonds us with love and affection and we get faster results than training which relies on making a dog do something.

When you were first forced to take out the trash, did you do that happily and with love every day after? Or were you the lucky one whose Mom said, "You take the trash out, I'll get the dishes done, and we'll have an ice cream to celebrate. Thanks, Honey, you are so much help to our family." Even if taking out the trash isn't ever going to be your favorite thing to do, it's more fun to do it because you want to help, because you received a positive reward, not because you will get a spanking if you don't. It's the same with dogs.

For the record, I don't totally disagree with everything that Cesar Millan says. Tons of positive trainers do disagree, strongly. I believe that all dogs need lots of exercise although I believe that exercise should be fun for both the dog and the person. I don't agree that dogs or people should be exercised so strongly and for so long that they can't make a decision of their own just because they're so tired, that they give up free will. That's torture. You don't see this part of the solution to bad dogs on this TV show. It's been widely reported by first hand witnesses that this is part of the training method.

I agree with Cesar that if a person puts too much pressure on a dog or they don't know what they are doing, they will get bitten and potentially create a biter forever. See again the disclaimer on the TV show. Most of the dogs you see on the TV show are normal dogs who haven't had positive training. They've been neglected or rewarded for what we consider bad behavior and that makes the behavior stronger. Common sense tells us then, let's start with positive training and positive rewards and these behaviors won't start. We can turn bad behavior around with positive training even in adult dogs, even in "bad" dogs. It's done every day and without harm.

If Cesar can really rehabilitate red zone, over the top aggressive dogs so they no longer bite or are no longer lethal weapons and they don't have to be killed, that's a good thing in my book as long as the dogs are kept where they can't harm children and other innocents. According to him on the show, there are a lot of these dogs living with him in his kennels. They didn't get euthanized but they are still living in his kennels, monitored, managed, not in somebody's house as a rehabilitated and newly loving dog. Some things can't be completely undone. Once you teach a person or an animal to distrust, it's hard to go back. I agree with Cesar that killing a dog who can't fit into a happy home doesn't have to happen. There are people like Cesar who are willing to home them and seem to be able to handle problems that might come up. I say this with the knowledge that I don't know what goes on behind the scenes there, either. Forgive me if I'm wrong. I like the idea that a dog gone wrong doesn't have to be killed. It's the idealistic side of me and I like to think it's true.

People who have normal dogs doing "bad" things should get professional help. Find a positive trainer. Read a book. Watch a positive DVD. Try clicker training. Please don't put into practice what you see on TV, not without first witnessing what happens behind the scenes. It can be dangerous and harmful to your dog to attempt something without first knowing about dogs and how they learn. They have great big hearts and great big teeth. Which one do you want following you around every day?

Jane, if you're listening, I hope you will reconsider. Train your puppy with positive training, affection and trusting hands, he will do anything for you. You will have a puppy who loves to be with you and who will be your friend for a lifetime. And then go back and show your breeder what a wonderful job you did.

The end result of a dark and dreary email may turn you and your breeder into new converts for puppy and dog happiness all over the world. You and your dog will have a lifetime of joy and the knowledge that you were part of a wonderful change of heart for someone else might give you a lightness of heart for the rest of your life.

Dog Training Tips
by Darcie Krueger
President, SitStay.com
Copyright 2007-2008